Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize