OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
