Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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