jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
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