my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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