Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Randomize
