yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
