she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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