Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
