She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
