After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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