My nipple is on Facebook.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
