She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
The dick lei will go down in squad history
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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