shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
