Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
