I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think my fart just growled at me.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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