How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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