how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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