Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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