Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
