At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
