i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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