some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
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