yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize