I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Randomize
