Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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