I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
