Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
