We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
