Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It's never too late to be topless.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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