I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize