quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
