What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize