dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
