There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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