i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
