new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It's Friday. Sex?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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