What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
