The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
