Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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