sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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