I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
i think im in europe. pls send help
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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