this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
