When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
