Sober January is a disaster.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
