I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
