Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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