i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
