The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
