i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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