Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
