seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
