Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize