I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Oh god it's open bar.
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