I think im going to throw up on grandma
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
