Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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