Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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