it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
