OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
