And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
