Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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