come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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