Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
