His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
