I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
