Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
