I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
